CIA's 'Facebook' Program Dramatically Cut Agency's Costs

CIA's 'Facebook' Program Dramatically Cut Agency's Costs

The CIA's invention of Facebook has saved the government millions of dollars.

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ONN: Annual Valentine's Day Stoning Of Happy Couple Held

Annual Valentine's Day Stoning Of Happy Couple Held

It's nice to see an event conducted like The Founders did it. Put people in stocks , stone adulterers or make an adulteress wear the letter  "A."

The 19th Century was the good old days, wasn't it. 

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Inside the Onion News network

Inside The Onion News Network

Rightardia takes a look at the nation's most powerful news network.

The anchors of the Onion News Network's top-rated program "FactZone" answer viewers' questions about what it's like behind the scenes of the most powerful cable news channel in recorded human history. The Onion News Network premieres on IFC on January 21st at 10/9pm CST/EST.

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ONN: Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

Obama Outlines Moral, Philosophical Justifications For Turkey Pardon

President Obama announces plans to deliver a two-hour speech explaining his reasons for granting clemency to Cranberry, the Thanksgiving turkey.

We hope Obama watches this. He needs to read between the lines of the video. 
 
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The Montana Merkle: It must be a Republican bird

Bird Hunted To Near Extinction Due To Infuriating Call

This bird has nearly been nearly hunted to extinction because it is so annoying.

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ONN: Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

This move will clearly jump start the economy and help the lag in US population growth.

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ONN: Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?

Christian evangelicals are very concerened about this trend away from Jesus.

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ONN: News from the future

Future: News From The Year 2137 Trailer

Only ONN can bring you news form the future 

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ONN: The Joe Biden Smooth campaign

Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy Ads

It's a shame the white House cancelled the Hennessey ad campaign. It was very classy.

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ONN: Collapse of anti-Bush merchandising sales caused the economic collapse

Economists Warn Anti-Bush Merchandise Market Close To Collapse

ONN predicted this. Now America finally knows the truth. The collapse had nothing to do with the Bush Ownership Society, the repeal of the Glass-Steagal Act, the SEC reserve rules change for the biggest Wall street Banks or the refusal of the Bush administration to stop predatory lending practices.

The real cause of the meltdown was the collapse of anti-Bush merchandising sales.

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