New Pro-Simian Fossil was planted by Satan to fool us

by Pastor Ken Kracker, Rightardia News Chaplain

The Southern Evangelical Convention announced today that the fossil of
Ida, Darwinius masillae, was clearly created by Satan to fool us into
believing the Evolution myth.

Pastor Ken spoke to the convention today.“We all know Satan lives in the
ground somewhere,” said pastor Ken. “It very easy for him to shave off
the horns of one of his demons that he killed for being disobedient and
then place the body into the Earth's firmament for a non-believing
scientist to find.

This particular fossil has to be a fake because there is the outline of
hair around it, said Kracker. Everyone know that there is no such thing
like fossilized hair.

In addition, this pro-simian form hell had berries in it stomach.
Certainly any progenitors of humans would have been a fearsome carnivore
like a lion or tiger. Even the Chimpanzee, pan troglodytes, would have
been a better fit. It hunts monkeys, castrates enemy chimps and chews
off their fingers in a fight. Certainly if God created ancestors to
humans, it would have been some sort of a war ape, not a wimpy
herbivore.

Pastor Ted encouraged his young flock to study the Bible on the biblical
origins of man. By God's Word everything we see today is something that
God spoke into existence. It says in:

Genesis 1:20-21, 24 "And God said, Let the waters bring forth
abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may
fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. And God
created great whales, and every living creature that moveth,created.
which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind,
every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was
good.... And God said... and it was so."

Pastor Ken went to say that Jesus was with God when the world was
created.

Ephesians. 3:9 "And to make all men see what is the fellowship
of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been
hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ."

Pastor Ted concluded the meeting with this prayer. God in heaven
almighty, We know that scripture says that light was created before the
sun, that land was created before the oceans, the first life on earth
were plants on the firmament, fruited trees were also created before the
fish in the sea, God created all plants before the sun and all the stars
were created at the same time. And so it is written. Amen.