Thursday, July 26, 2012

Landover Baptist Church: Mitt Romney's Crazy Religious Beliefs

What Does Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney believe?
  • He believes that Jesus Christ is Satan's brother.
  • He believes that God lives near a planet called "Kolob."
  • He believes in baptizing dead people.
  • He believes that Jesus is married to a goddess wife.
  • He believes that The Garden of Eden was in Missouri.
  • He believes that it was impossible for blacks to go to Heaven before 1978. 
  • He believes that Jesus has children from his wife or wives.
  • He believes that he is going to become a god.
  • He believes he will own his own personal planet after he dies.
  • He believes the real Christian God is not eternal but rather that He was once a man on some other planet besides Earth!
  • He believes he needs to wear magical underwear created by Mormons and he is never to take it off unless he is bathing.
  • He believes it is a sin to drink anything containing caffeine. And that even includes True American™ drinks like Coca-Cola!
  • He believes children between the ages of 18-21 should wear name badges, ride bicycles and always smile.
  • He believes there are three Mormon heavens 
  • He believes that Mormons are descended from one of the lost tribes of Israel
  • He knows secret handshakes and passwords that will get him into heaven
See Mitt Romney's Crazy Religious Beliefs, Landover Baptist Church


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