My parents are very conservative and we
live in a gated community in the 'burbs.
I was 'home schooled' since I was 12
because my parents were concerned about the liberal education I was
getting and didn't want me exposed to the “coloreds' in my school.
I was confirmed at Landover Baptist
church when I was 13 and took the Golden Pledge. I wear my chastity
ring proudly, but lately I have been very horny and have already worn
out one vibrator.
I asked Pastor Fred if it was OK for my
white friend , Sarah, and I to experiment. Pastor Fred said 'no way'
because that was against the teachings in the Bible. When I asked him
for chapter and verse, he said that the Bible had no loopholes and
and it was written in such a way that you could always interpret it
to ban any sort of offensive behavior.
Pastor Fred also said that my parents
would be ashamed of me if I grew up to be a lesbian. I told pastor
Fred that I didn't know what a lesbian was, but I didn't think I was
one of them.
Pastor Fred said ' good' and invited me
to watch the militant Christian band the BarlowGirls at Landover
Baptist church. He said as long as I kept coming to church, the
sexual demons that were tormenting me would leave.
My parents explained that believing in
Jesus is what is important because Jesus will always take care of me.
If more people understood this, they wouldn't be seduced by the
mammon of Social Security and Medicare.
Dad said, that I will be in
paradise when I die so the GOP health care plan 'to die quickly'
makes perfect sense. Dad said that what is going on here on earth is
not that important. Its your eternal salvation in heaven that I
needed to worry about.
When I graduate from 'home school' my
parents said they would send me to Bob Jones University or Oral
Roberts University to get a good Christian college education. After a year
I will able to join a Christian sorority which will train me for a
leadership position in the Republican party.
My dad said the Greek fraternity and
sorority system are true Ivory Bastions. I will also be able to find
a young conservative person like myself and get married. Mom
suggested that I do not have children immediately. She said I should
try dogs first.
Once I find the husband of my dreams
and make enough money, we will be able to move into a gated community, too. This is the dream of all American Whitopians.
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