Michael Steel announced today that his party had worked with Nickelodeon ™ to make Sponge Bob the new symbol of the GOP. Steele indicated the Republican national Convention (RNC) had been aware they were losing the younger voters and wanted to instill conservative values in children at the earliest a possible age. Steele believed that the characters in SpongeBob would show children the type of role models they need to follow when they grew up. SpongeBob is show that is seeped in family values, even if most of characters act a bit gay and none of them are married.
Eugene H. Krabs, the Owner of Krusty Krab Restaurant is the employer of SpongeBob and Squidward. He is known for being extremely cheap, but cares a lot about SpongeBob's welfare. Eugene is the perfect example of the small businessman that these children will eventually work for.
Squidward Tentacles is another conservative role model. He is the cashier at Krusty Krab Restaurant. He is a boring and selfish squid like most Republicans whose hobby is playing with his tentacles and the clarinet which he's terrible at. He thinks SpongeBob and Patrick are annoying because they are constantly pestering him. He provides the typical drama that occurs between Democrats like Patrick and conservatives like Squidward.
SpongeBob is, of course, he star of the show. He works at the Krusty Krab restaurant with Squidward. SpongeBob enjoys jellyfishing at Jellyfish Fields with his best friend Patrick the Starfish. He's always happy. SpongeBob is the type of worker that US corporations are looking for. Someone who is good natured, very naive, who works hard and is very productive. SpongeBob's crabby paddies are legendary and they make Eugene H. Krabs a lot of money. SpongeBob is the independent that Republicans are always trying to win over.
Patrick Star is an unemployed Star Fish and a typical client of the Democratic welfare state.
Patrick enjoys doing everything that SpongeBob does. He is the dumbest creature under the sea. Although he is a Democrat, he is a great friend to SpongeBob. Patrick spend a good part of his day doing nothing and sleeping under a large rock.
Sandy Cheeks is a lesbian squirrel who's very athletic. She's a land creature who need a pressurized suit to live under the water and plays a lot of extreme sports. Both she and SpongeBob love Karate.
Gary is a Super Genius/Pet who is SpongeBob's pet sea snail who meows like a cat. He may look dumb, but he might be smarter than the rest of Bikini Bottom. He keeps cool under pressure and has a solution for every problem. He is the SpongeBob equivalent of David Axlerod.
Plankton is the Owner of Chum Bucket Restaurant that competes with the Krusty Krab. It has very few patrons and Plankton is always trying to steal the secret recipe for the Krusty Krab's crabbie patties. Plankton provides a free enterprise antagonist who the protagonists, Mr. Krab and SpongeBob, must contend.
Jellyfish spend most of their day making jelly and represent the electorate. Lately the Republicans have been getting stung a lot by these jelly fish. Jellyfish roam around in groups making jelly and stinging anything that gets in their way. There are different kinds of jellyfish including standard, queen, king, albino, and prehistoric ones. SpongeBob and Patrick enjoy jelly-fishing. Republicans want to control the jellyfish just like SpongeBob and Patrick do.
Steele is confident that Sponge Bob will bring independent and Reagan Democrats back to the Democratic party. Steele said that SpongeBob is a metaphor for American family values. He can't wait until the new PR campaign starts.
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