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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

If you find a conservative in your woodpile!


I found a Conservative Republican in my wood pile the other day. 

Well, actually, my dog found it. 

The Republican was shouting obscenities at me and my dog, telling us how we didn't matter, waving the American flag, hissing, spitting, showing its fangs, and threatening lawsuits. 

The dog wasn't having any of it. The dog kept the cowardly conservative from crawling out of the mud, barking, growling, and showing its teeth at the hideous Republican. 

Well, long story short, we all now know what Republicans actually are. They are rapists, swindlers, confidence men, and criminals dressed in three piece suits. 

I had a round nosed shovel with me at the time, and wanting to protect myself, my faithful canine, and everyone else from this Republican, I hit the thing in the head a dozen times to kill it. But these Republicans are hard headed monsters and a conservative doesn't change. It just kept on hissing, spitting, shouting threats, and demanding I do this and that. 

Fortunately, the shovel I had with me was my sharp shovel. I keep an edge on it like that of a knife. A sharp shovel makes the manual labor it is used for easier and every little bit of relief when accomplishing a difficult job helps. So I raised my shovel over the Republican's head and brought it down, edge first across its neck. 

Cut the head of the snake clean off. The Republican/conservative/Tea Bagger has a huge head but a tiny little pencil neck and scrawny or obese body. The Republican's head rolled a couple of feet from its body. 

It kept spewing threats and obscenities all the while it was rolling away from its body. Then the Republican dropped its American flag, which I now keep to be displayed on national holidays and the like. 

The head fell silent with my dog and I looking on in the silence of our victory. The head fell silent and the monster was dead, just like the GOP. 

My dog had her rabies booster shots the other day, so I let her play with the Republican's head in the back yard. You can't be too careful with these rabid Republicans. I buried the body in the backyard, but nothing would grow above the Republican's carcass. 

Conservatives and everything around them never change. So I dug up the Republican's carcass, dismembered it to reduce its size, and placed it in the garbage. 

The garbage man emptied the garbage a few days later. I flipped the garbage man an extra $20 for his trouble. 

If you sun dry a Republican's skull, it bleaches white and makes an interesting display piece. You can take it camping with you and leave it for the kids to find as a great prop when telling monster stories around the campfire, too. 

Rightardia comment: This post made the Rightardia staff smile. Republicans like to suggest that only conservatives represent America, but the right wing media has established conservatives as people who are poorly educated and hold irrational views. 

America found out in 2008 that that privatization and deregulation don't work.  Weak regulatory laws and enforcement of these laws produced the financial meltdown of 2008 and the the Gulf Oil spill. 

In the case of the latter, an agency of the Department of Interior, the Mineral Management Service, was co-opted by corporations. 

The rabid right represented by Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Michale Savage and the Tea Partiers has descended into simple fascism. 

Of course, there is also small cadre corporate and conservative handlers which make up the leadership of the GOP. 

The rise of militias is alarming because this is how Nazism started in Germany. The Conservatives have descended into a black pit that it may never be able to crawl out of. 

Principled conservatives like William F. Buckley, Jr. and Barry Goldwater would be aghast if they could saw what the modern Republican Party had become. 

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