R i g h t a r d i a: Alan Grayson humor on the GOP candidates

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Alan Grayson humor on the GOP candidates

A few weeks ago, the Florida Democratic Party invited Alan Grayson to be the keynote speaker at the first meeting of the Democratic Progressive Caucus of Florida. At 8 a.m., it was standing-room-only, as hundreds of people tried to squeeze into the event.

Alan spoke for almost half an hour, without any notes. Our campaign didn’t record it, but some brave soul in the audience did, and then posted segments of it on YouTube. So we can offer you Twenty Minutes of Grayson, in pieces, starting here.

Alan began by talking about the Republican presidential candidates. Here is some of what he said:

Sarah Palin: “I was disappointed that Sarah Palin was not running. But I understood why. She realized that she count not fit the Oath of Office on her palm.”

Mitt Romney: “There’s somebody who spends all day trying to figure out whether he should flip or flop.”

Herman Cain: “I hope he gets the nomination because clearly, if both parties nominate African-Americans, every racist in this country will have to commit suicide. . . . What is his business genius? That he paid people $8 an hour to deliver $15 pizzas.”

Rick Perry: “Rick Perry tried to pick a fist fight with Ron Paul on national TV. A 76-year-old man. He doesn’t want to just cut Social Security. He wants to beat up everyone on Social Security.”

Newt Gingrich: “Somebody said to me recently, ‘I actually listened to Newt Gingrich, and he sounded really crazy to me.’ I said, ‘Look, Newt Gingrich has been listening to Newt Gingrich for 68 years. If you listened to Newt Gingrich for 68 years, wouldn’t you be crazy?’”

Ron Paul: “I’m going to disregard Ron Paul, because everyone else does.”

Michele Bachmann: “I’m not going to say anything about her, because we actually have an agreement between ourselves. The agreement is that if I don’t tell the truth about her, she won’t lie about me.”

What They Have in Common: “Their favorite TV show is ‘Father Knows Best.’ . . . And to show how ‘groovy’ and ‘with it’ they are, their favorite song is Jefferson Airplane’s ‘Don’t You Need Somebody to Hate.’”

And this: “Last time, the [Republican] nominee was named McCain. Now the person who is leading in their race is named Cain. You have to consider the possibility that it’s because of the name.

“You have to consider that possibility. It might just be the name.

“And what is that story? I mean, think about it. Why would they be so attracted to somebody named Cain? As I recall the story, he killed his brother with the jawbone of a donkey, which probably meant he wanted to blame it on the Democrats.

“And then when God said, ‘Where’s your brother?’, Cain said, ‘Am I my brother’s keeper?’ As if he had no idea.

“And that is actually the fundamental question that separates us from them, right? Am I my brother’s keeper? Our answer is, ‘Yes, we are.’ We are.”

FINALLY – A Democrat Who Can Explain, in Simple, Plain Terms, What It Means to Be a Democrat. Isn’t that precisely what we need, what we’ve all been waiting for? Alan Grayson deserves your support. Click here, and show that you want someone in Congress who Tells It Like It Is.