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Friday, January 20, 2012

The sad case of Newt Kinkrich and Callista the Ho


Newt Kinkrich was born a bastard in 1943. And you know what they say about bastards: they try harder.

After he got a PhD history, he was hired by a small college. Right after he was hired, He applied for the vacant history chair position. That did not endear him to his associates and he was later denied tenure.

Newt eventually married, but when his wife got ill and was hospitalized with cancer, he dumped her and served her with divorce papers.

Kinkrich entered politics in Georgia and became a congressman. He eventually rose through the congressional ranks and became Speaker of the House. However, he polarized the Republicans in the House during his rise.

In the past Republicans and Democrats would collide on a variety of issues abut afterwards these politicos would socialize. Under Kinkster's watch, the Republicans became militant and refused to associate with Democrats after hours. 

An era of high powered partisanship and political drama had begun.

Kinkrich even led to the charge to impeach the president while he was shagging his congressional aide, Callista.

Kinkrich then asked Calista to marry him before he asked his second wife, Marianne, for a divorce. Initially Kinkrich wanted an open marriage, but his second wife, Marianne, said "no." 

This divorce situation quickly developed after Marianne was diagnosed with MS. It was a carbon copy of the previous divorce scenario.

Kinkrich had just returned from Erie, Pennsylvania, where he'd given a speech full of high sentiments about compassion and family values.

The next night, he sat talking with his wife on their back patio in Georgia.  Marianne said, "How do you give that speech and do what you're doing?" The Kinkrich replied: 

It doesn't matter what I do," he answered. "People need to hear what I have to say. There's no one else who can say what I can say. It doesn't matter what I live.


Kinkrich told his second wife that Callista the ho would help him get into the White House. 

He also told his wife he didn't want to be married to a Jaguar. He wanted a Chevrolet wife. 

Apparently Newt had wanted a Chevrolet wife and a Jaguar mistress!

Kinkrich found that his third wife was an expensive Jaguar who didn't want him to run for president.

So Kinkrich opened a $1.5 million acount with Tiffany's Jewelers to mollify her. He also took her on a luxury cruise to Greece in April because he didn't want have to marry a fourth time.

At least that the story he told to his campaign aides who resigned shortly thereafter.

Kinkrich was able to restart his campaign but he immediately had problems with evangelicals in Iowa who denounced his three marriages. 

The champion of the evangelicals in Iowa was was Rick Sanitarium who won the Iowa caucuses. The Kinkrich effort to invoke God and religion in Iowa fell on deaf corn ears. 

Rick Sanitarium said some profound things about the Kinkrich tonight: He noted that Newt’s too unpredictable to be allowed anywhere near the Oval Office. Sanitarium said: 

I don’t want a nominee that I have to worry about ... what he’s going to say next,” Sanitarium said during a CNN debate.

I’m not the most flamboyant and I don't get the biggest applause lines here, but I'm steady. I'm solid. I'm not going to go out and do things that you're going to worry about.
 

Kinkrich shot back:

You’re right, I think grandiose thoughts. This is a grandiose country of big people doing big things, and we need leadership prepared to take on big projects.

A Mitty Rich press release also noted that Kinkrich has, in the past, compared himself to historical figures like Pericles, William Wallace, Charles De Gaulle, Abraham Lincoln, Vince Lombardi and Moses.

But does America need a drama king or a heroic figure? Righatrdia prefers "No drama Obama."


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